Most of us have heard the phrase “you can’t pour from an empty cup.”
It’s simple. It’s true. And it’s also… not very helpful at 7:42am when the kids are melting down, your phone is buzzing, and you’re already running on fumes.

Because the real question isn’t whether your Cup is empty.

It’s which Cup.

At Phoenix Cups, we use a framework built around five basic human needs. We call them “Cups” because it’s an easy way to picture something that’s surprisingly hard to notice in real time: the quiet (or not-so-quiet) motivation underneath our moods, reactions, and relationships.

We all have these five needs:

And here’s the twist: we don’t all have the same sized Cups.

Some people have a very large Freedom Cup. They feel suffocated when life gets too structured or controlled. Others have a very large Safety Cup - change, uncertainty, or chaos doesn’t just annoy them, it rattles them.

That mix is your personal needs profile, and it matters, because it explains why two people can live the same day and experience it completely differently.

Phoenix Cups doesn’t treat behaviour as “good” or “bad”. We treat it as information.

Or more precisely: behaviour is the best attempt a person can make in the moment to get their needs met, given the skills, experiences, and capacities they have at the time.

That goes for toddlers, teenagers, and very grown adults with fully-developed frontal lobes who still slam doors.

When your Cups are filling, life feels easier. You’re more patient. More flexible. You can take feedback. You can laugh. You can solve problems without becoming the problem.

When your Cups are emptying, your nervous system starts negotiating on your behalf. Fast. Sometimes clumsily. Sometimes loudly. And often in ways that don’t match who you want to be.

This isn't a character flaw. It’s actually a needs signal.

Next time you feel yourself getting snappy, flat, teary, or overly fired up, pause and ask:

Not “What’s wrong with me?”
Not “Why am I like this?”
Just: Which Cup?

Then follow with:

Small is powerful. A message to a friend (Connection). A quick plan for the day (Safety). A clear “no” (Freedom). Finishing one tiny task (Mastery). A two-minute dance party in the kitchen (Fun).

None of these fix everything. But they shift you from reacting to responding. And that’s where life starts feeling better.

This blog is the “front porch” version.

In Episode 1 of our podcast, we go deeper into the Cups, why this framework works so well in real life (not just on paper), and how to start spotting your needs profile in a way that feels clear and doable.

If this stirred something in you, go and listen to the full episode - then come back and try the one-question practice for a week: